Rebuilding our marriage was tough, neither of us wanted to make the same mistakes again and we knew what each of us had done wrong. You would think that would make it easy but it definitely doesn’t! Transcending our patterns of behavior is so hard, especially for those of us who are stubborn. Here is what worked for me and hopefully, this can serve as a simple guide to help you on your journey as well!
Relationships aren’t easy y’all! They take work, they take want, and they take choosing your person every day. So, here goes!!!
1. Forget what happened
Whatever it is, forget it. Maybe your partner cheated or they’ve moved out for space, I know it hurts but you have to put it to the side. This is the time to focus on what you want! And you want to rebuild your relationship, am I right? Other wise you wouldn’t be here. Saving your marriage or relationship is more important than whatever it is that happened. So, forget it and focus on what you want to manifest!
2. Be happy and stay happy
Pain sucks, I know. Wallowing in your self pity is just down right shitty and you’re better than that! Do what makes you happy and keep doing it. Find what makes you laugh, what inspires you, what makes you feel expressive and alive! And don’t just do it once, do it a lot! Share it with your partner or spouse. Life might suck right now but that doesn’t mean happiness just gets tossed out the bedroom window onto the front lawn. How can you make today great?!
3. Short and sweet
I know you think they need to hear how much they’ve hurt you over and over and over….but they don’t! Quit it, right now!! You have a lot to say and I’m sure you could fill a book but I promise, the more fluff you cut out the better. The more concise and conscious your communication is, the better response you’ll get. You want to pave the way to a better future, don’t you? Get to the point, you catch more bees with honey.
4. LISTEN, damn it!
Instead of beating the same ol’ drum day in and day out, listen. Give your partner space to speak. Hold back the anger, don’t interrupt or bring on the tears. “I hear you” goes a loonnngg way. Listen with intention, lean in, and watch your partner start to lean in too.
5. Look inward
This may be a tough pill to swallow but guess what? You’ve got some shit to work on too. There is a lot of power in looking inward for areas of improvement. I am a strong believer in manifestation and we manifest what we encounter! How did you contribute to your relationship going in the shitter? Maybe you nitpick…everything! Maybe you’re overly critical? When was the last time you just said thank you when bae brought you get a gift instead of ripping it to fucking pieces?! Ask yourself, how can I improve? Then apologize. Say sorry for being controlling or critical or whatever it is. There is a hell of a lot more power in overcoming our ego than holding on to it for dear life.
6. Say thank you
A little goes a long way here! It doesn’t matter what it is, say thank you. This lets your partner know what they’re doing is working but also appreciated. This also allows us to focus on what we want instead of falling back into our nitpicking or controlling ways. The more you focus on what you want, the more you manifest it!
7. Get your flirt on and flash those pearly whites!
Smile at your partner. You’re committed to a happy and fulfilling life, yes? Then smile! You will attract what you project, it doesn’t matter if you’re smiling for the future you envision, yourself, or your partner. If you smile instead and shout and cry, they will too. Paying attention to our happiness helps set us up for a mindset of gratitude.
When we flirt it boosts our confidence but also tells our partner we feel attractive, this in turn provides space for them to lean in as well. Be playful, send flirty texts, laugh together, make inside jokes, date! The more you put yourself out there the more confidence you will project but also feel.
8. Seduce your partner!
Just because you are committed doesn’t mean you let the flame die out. Lack of seduction, wether you recognize it or not, may have possibly contributed to your problems. Intimacy is a great place to start when rebuilding a relationship. It allows for a bond and trust to form which are both essential to any successful relationship.
9. Skip counseling, get a coach.
Instead of seeking someone out to let you sit and complain about one another, get a coach. No one gets where they want by complaining. Instead, find a relationship coach. We’ve been where you are and we’ve risen from the ashes blazing, beautiful phoenixes!
10. Get dressed.
Make every single meeting, even if it’s in the kitchen, a date. Dress yourself, put your face on, fix that glorious mane of yours and let them see your confidence. This not only boosts your confidence but again projects your confidence.
These are only a few of the simple steps I took to get my husband back. I know it sucks but it gets better! Focus on what you want watch it manifest right before your eyes.
Maybe you need help focusing on that end game? I know I did at times and I’m here for you. I’ve been there. I’ve gone through the shit and we came out smelling like roses. You can too! I’m here to be your cheerleader, your personal hype (wo)man, if you will.
Book your free discovery call with me today.
Until next time.