When we were separated, the hubs and I saw other people. When we started our rebuilding phase after separation, he continued to see the other woman. It was tough for me to say the least but I also understood. Leading up to our separation I was a cold and lost monster of a woman. It got knock down drag out court hearing kind of messy with both of us wondering how in the hell did we get here?!
When I came to my husband to speak for the first time since separating, I had done some serious work on myself. I was stripped of my pride, I had let go of my ego, I knew what I wanted but I expected nothing from him. I simply communicated what I knew I had done to contribute to our downfall and that I didn’t know what to do moving forward but I knew that he was my person.
I missed being his wife, laughing with him, feeling his warmth, and waiting for him to come home from work to cook for him. I knew we were meant to be together from the moment I met him that night in the rain and so did he. At times yes I did question my certainty, even denying it to myself for some time. Suppression is a strange animal. I would never give up on our love though and I never will.
At first when the girls and I moved back into our home, I was emotional all of the time and he was distant. He hadn’t expected any of this to happen, I mean we had been through literal mind boggling hell, which I’ll eventually write about another day. This other woman hanging around obviously posed some issues but ultimately provided us with so many lessons, individually and mutually.
See, this woman knew that I had moved back into the home with our girls and had presented herself as being understanding of the situation. She was recently divorced with kids of her own.
At the beginning, my husband was reluctant to jump into rebuilding, a lot of damage had happened and facing that damage to heal was a hard decision. It most certainly would have been easier to live in the false reality that had been painted with her. I knew he was better than that though, it would just take some time for him to come around.
Over the course of a few months this woman continued to tell my husband that she loved him and was meant for him but that they had no future together. Acceptance and rejection all in one foul swoop y’all, thats impressive. But, it made me hurt for him. She even tried to talk him into moving out of the home and paid for him to see HER counselor.
At times, yes I went a little 2007 Britney. I texted the counselor because I felt like my husband was being manipulated and even made it clear to her that I was NOT going to be going anywhere.
Regardless, I stayed patient and appreciated how honest he was being with me around the whole ordeal. He shared with me the things they talked about, how he felt about her and what it was about her that made him comfortable. I could see that he was looking for in her what he had missed in me.
At various points, I even attempted to be this woman’s friend. My husband had expressed interest in her staying around because he valued her friendship. We even talked about our marriage being open at times, she definitely didn’t agree.
It should be noted that keeping an open mind in rebuilding our relationships is crucial but that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. Its probably going to hurt like hell but I promise, the growth you need and want is there.
When the other woman expressed wanting him to choose her over his family, I questioned what was really going on in her mind. I’m not one to promote staying for the kids but I couldn’t fathom as a grown woman, owning my own business in a small town, wanting a man to leave his family for myself and children.
If they were just friends, why was she still wanting him to choose her? I knew what he had communicated with me and didn’t feel he had any reason to lie. So I stayed true to myself and continued to wait it out.
After about 2 months of her sticking around and toying with my husband, I was worried that it would NEVER end. Rumors were flying all over our little seaside town and I was nearing the end of my rope. She was victimizing herself in this whole ordeal, even asking my husband to make out with her behind his place of work. I couldn’t afford to get caught up in their mess, so I decided to step back.
That is when my husband really started to realize what was happening, even began to get annoyed with her, and ultimately realized that she isn’t who she says.
So whats the point here? I went through a NASTY separation, experienced my husband seeing another woman, and still we came out on top.
You can too.
What you probably aren’t hearing from others is that you should stay, in most cases. Domestic violence being one of those that you should seriously seek help for.
I am thankful for the other woman. I learned a lot from her, mostly about myself. I have a lot of compassion for this woman as I can see that she’s struggling to accept herself. I think its what drew me to wanting to be friendly with her in the first place. As a woman who has found and owned her power, its gut wrenching when you find another who is projecting so hard but not embodying.
If you want your relationship to work, it can and it will. If you don’t then you really don’t need to seek advice now do you?
Whats keeping you from repairing your relationship? Are you afraid that you aren’t strong enough? That you aren’t good enough? Maybe theres another woman for you too, or another man, and you feel that maybe your partner is better off with them?
Guess what? I’ve felt and experienced all of those things. You know who you are, you know that you are good enough. Your spouse doesn’t do whatever it is that they’re doing because of you, its because of something that they aren’t happy with in themselves.
Fixing a broken relationship takes courage. It takes a hell of a lotta strength and bigger balls than you’ve ever seen because sometimes, the decision to stay isn’t the popular one and you’ll be alone in supporting yourself.
This is us now and let me tell you, I am so stinkin’ proud of where we’ve been, what we did to over come it, and the relationship that we’ve built because of it.
I see you. I see the struggle. I see the lies to hide whats really going on. But I also see a goddess, I see a king, begging to be released so that you two can own your truth.
We all know you want the rockstar sex fairytale relationship, why haven’t you reached out to take it?
If you’re ready, and I think you are, lets partner up.
Lets discover that self love, break down those walls, find your truth, and truly step into your power.
Book your free discovery call with me today