See that couple right there? Cute right?!
What you don’t see are serious self image issues. You don’t see an alcoholic. You don’t see the struggle to get him out of bed without being cussed and called names. You don’t see her nitpicking and attempts to control everything about their life.
You don’t see a marriage that was failing before it even started.
When my husband and I separated last year we had only been married for 2 years. We had 2 beautiful babies together and he had the job he always wanted but ultimately we found ourselves failing. We fought constantly, I had no idea how bad his drinking issues were, we never actually communicated anything with one another, and to top it all off he was never home because of work which left me at home with our three girls grasping to any bit of my identity that I had left. Ultimately I found myself incredibly lost, drifting through life, and taking the worst advice I possibly could.
It wasn’t until after we separated that I realized how well I had been hiding our issues. People told me that they basically idolized our life, they thought that we had it all and lived in some fairytale. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!
One day I looked at myself and thought, “What in the hell am I doing?! What are we doing?! I love my husband and miss being his wife.”. Regardless of our issues, my husband was and had always been my best friend in the whole world. He had become someone different but guess what? SO HAD I!!
I wasn’t some nitpicking, condescending wife but that was exactly who I had become. I was the root cause of my downfall. I limited myself in every way but blamed it on anyone but myself.
Now, looking back on this image, I see the fairytale that my life has become. Fixing our marriage was the best thing that we have ever done. Its brought us so much closer together and introduced a level of honesty in our relationship that would shock the hell out of anyone. Our sex life is JUICY ladies, J U I C Y. We lean on one another and lift one another up.
Guess what goddess, you can have that to. The real question is, do you want to have it?
Do you want to have your fairytale? Whats holding you back from having it all?
See, once you let go of expectations and trying to control everything thats where the true magic happens. In case no one has told you, life is going to happen regardless of how much you try to control it. Just like your husband isn’t going to know to help with things around the house or to change a dirty diaper unless you ASK.
HES A MAN. Men aren’t innately wired to nurture like we are.
When we nitpick and blow up about the things we want but didn’t ask for we make our spouses feel less. They feel like they’re failing because they aren’t a damn mind reader and can never do anything right. When we set them up for failure guess what happens? They fucking fail and its not ones fault but ours.
FYI: you aren’t a mind reader either.
Mama, I know you need help. I know you want the trash taken out. I know you want your husband to buy you that super awesome gift. I know you want date nights with laughter and connection. I know you want better and more sex, even if you won’t admit it to yourself.
What are you doing yourself to get those things?
Until next time goddess.
Brit Sully xoxo